Monday 16 April 2007
In one month it will be 16 May 2007
It’s as though I’m not breathing. I feel anxious and feverish. Besides I am quite agitated, I have difficulty in concentrating, I'm sleeping sporadically and I am tired.
I am continually being beset by a whole heap of irrational fears. I am yet again very afraid that Dr Foldès will die before 16 May. I’m also afraid that something catastrophic will happen to prevent the operation: I’ll break my neck, an arm or a leg the night before my admission or that the clinic will lose my admission papers, even that it will burn down, or that the insurance will refuse coverage for some obscure administrative reason.
I am above all afraid that I will become complacent, will be less alert and forget to take one of the last steps. For example today I had to contact my insurance company so that they would fax the coverage to the clinic. I recalled that only at around midday. My God!! How could I forget that while this operation has been occupying all my thoughts for several weeks! It’s ridiculous! I cut my lunch short to rush to the telephone.
I called the insurance company and the woman who answered agreed to fax the coverage to the clinic immediately. Given my impatience, it relieved me that she said to me she would do it immediately and I rang off, somewhat calmed. But since, I have been holdingmyself back from calling the clinic to make sure that have indeed received the fax. I have to control everything to avoid the least setback or the least problem, it’s terrible.
It has to stop, that, the month of May has to come faster!
Well, if that’s still worrying me tomorrow, I’m calling the clinic to see if they have indeed received the fax.