Small steps

Thursday 12 July 2007

The ice is breaking more and more between my clitoris and me.

Earlier, during the iodine era, there was a swab between us when we met. But now my personal hygiene puts me in direct contact with my precious organ, creating a new form of intimacy.

At first I was very intimidated. I barely touched it, very cautiously and holding my breath. It was returning from far away and above all I didn’t want to irritate it by persistently insisting that it reveal itself.

Then, as the days have been passing and I haven’t been suffering any rebuffs, I have become more familiar with it. So my timidity has given way to great curiosity. I study its shape, I explore the folds and recesses around it, I assess its size, I try to feel it “inside”, in brief, I wander around the area in complete liberty.

And it was a pleasure mixed with relief that I noticed after an exploration recently that my clitoris had decreased in size. I have been thinking it was enormous, to put it bluntly. And I found that was making me awfully worried. I was afraid it would stay like that, planted in my intimate area like an iceberg in a lake.

OK, I don’t want it to become really tiny, that would certainly bother me. The ideal in fact would be that it keeps its current size.

I don’t know if it’s the cream I am applying every morning or the Marseille soap, but it looks very different from last week. Not only is it smaller, but also it’s changing colour. From a bright pink it has changed into a very chic salmon pink. I imagine it will need only a few weeks to change into brown.

What’s more, now that it isn’t taking up all the room, I can FINALLY see my labia minora. I am reassured. I am downright delighted. They seem quite pretty, small though they are. And they soften the look of my sex I think.

So, as if on purpose, the stitches still haven’t gone. That worries me a bit, but Dr Foldès having spoken about “the following weeks” I will wait….

With the arrival of all this good news, and since we have the blessing of the surgeon, my man and I tried taking up some bedroom activities recently.

We started with a fanfare, happy to be finally making love again.

But although things went well, I felt more and more tense. I was frightened. Frightened of hurting my clitoris in the heat of action, frightened that my man would hurt me while caressing me, frightened of being hurt because of the stitches.

And of course, sure enough, I was more in pain than anything else. To the point of breaking up the festivities.

Those catastrophic capers gave me a terrible blow to my spirits. I was sad all the next day. Sad, disappointed and a bit discouraged too.

All that for that?!

Pfff…

My man consoled me by saying that we weren’t in any hurry and that I obviously need more time to become more confident, not to be worried about it being painful.

He is right I think. But, there is still a little disappointment in my heart.

I really thought I was ready.

OK, it’s true that I was dreading careless contact with my clitoris. I am afraid of feeling a sharp pain or something similarly horrible with any over-abrupt contact.

Nevertheless, it’s much less disagreeably sensitive. The day before yesterday I even risked wearing trousers. Wisely, I chose fairly large trousers, even too big for me, just to be comfortable. It wasn’t till the end of the day that I felt any difficulty.

For the moment I have returned to my darling skirts, but I found the trial promising.

My relationship with my clitoris and its vicinity is at only an early stage. I’m making a wish that my clitoris and I will end up by being as thick as thieves, and very soon…

[Original in French]

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