Tuesday 1 May 2007
In 16 days I going to be operated on. And nevertheless I’m a bit sad today.
What’s happening is that I’m fed up waiting. I can no longer check a thousand times that I haven’t forgotten anything. I can no longer bear feeling afraid. I’m not getting enough sleep. I am beginning to feel seriously tired.
I’d like to be able to think about something else. I’d like to be able to make some plans. At he moment I’m not capable of it. Even summer holidays, I can’t manage to organise anything. 16 May takes over everything.
I want to get away from the subject. I’d like not to think about it anymore, that the days would pass and hop, it’s 15 May and I’m going into the clinic.
I have the feeling of having started on an endurance course, a marathon, on 2 March last exactly when I said “Is it possible in the month of May?”. And, although I can see the finishing line over there, I have a stitch in my side …
I believe I have a type of indigestion, I’ve thought about it so much, I’ve pondered over my circumcision and its repercussions on my life, I have immersed myself so much in the question that I feel I’ve had something of a bellyful there …
[Original in French]