Tuesday 1 May 2007
In 16 days I going to be operated on. And nevertheless I’m a bit sad today.
What’s happening is that I’m fed up waiting. I can no longer check a thousand times that I haven’t forgotten anything. I can no longer bear feeling afraid. I’m not getting enough sleep. I am beginning to feel seriously tired.
I’d like to be able to think about something else. I’d like to be able to make some plans. At he moment I’m not capable of it. Even summer holidays, I can’t manage to organise anything. 16 May takes over everything.
I want to get away from the subject. I’d like not to think about it anymore, that the days would pass and hop, it’s 15 May and I’m going into the clinic.
I have the feeling of having started on an endurance course, a marathon, on 2 March last exactly when I said “Is it possible in the month of May?”. And, although I can see the finishing line over there, I have a stitch in my side …
I believe I have a type of indigestion, I’ve thought about it so much, I’ve pondered over my circumcision and its repercussions on my life, I have immersed myself so much in the question that I feel I’ve had something of a bellyful there …
[Original in French]
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I understand you Papillon! I admired you for having fixed the date so far off. I said to myself if it had been me, I would have asked the surgeon for the next available date! You however are more thoughtful. I think in a way it's a good thing, this stitch;) That means when you get to the finishing line, you will be relieved to be there.
ReplyDeleteKeep your spirits up! Two short weeks and you'll be there!
And it seems to me that you began your marathon well before your appointment with the surgeon
Same as Claudecf: I admire you for having fixed the date so far off! At the time it astonished me but in fact as a decision it's both practical and thoughtful.
ReplyDeleteTake heart, you'll feel so happy afterwards! You'll be writing us an Ode to Joy! :)
xxx
FRom now until 16 May you have time to do something else, completely new for you. I suggest, at random, try a new sport, take a course in sewing, go alone to the cinema, explore on foot a new area of your town where you have never been before, go to an exhibition of an artist you don't know at all, learn a song, go for a pedicure, throw out 10 pieces of clutter that you've kept without knowing why, paint a cupboard door, etc.
ReplyDeleteYou're going to find the time too short!
PS. Since you're staying the night in the clinic, buy yourself some sleepwear specially for the occasion.
Thank you for your encouragment, Claudecf, Mlle crapaud and Lili.
ReplyDeleteI already had commitments in April and I didn't want everything happening at once, and that's why I chose May. Now I wonder if it wasn't a mistake ... But what's done, is done.
I've decided to get some fresh air for my head by dedicating myself to other activities, as you suggest Lili.
And you know what? I bought myself a nightdress last week for my night in the clinic.
I will be thinking of you during the next 15 days Papillon, this experience must be very difficult and psychologically tiring.
ReplyDeleteI hope you will succeed in changing your thoughtsa little.
A pedicure is very pleasant, lili is right, I had one a couple of days ago and I found it very relaxing ;-)
Thank you Hélène!
ReplyDeleteIndeed I think I'm going to start running again. I haven't done that since I was 18 but I remember it was excellent for emptying the mind ...