Sunday, 12 March 2006

My mother on the telephone

Monday 12 March 2007

Since the consultation I haven’t wanted to speak to my parents. I haven’t managed to analyse my feelings, but I didn’t want to speak to them. For two weeks I have avoided them. My father rang me at work but I cut the conversation short. In fact I found it bizarre to say “I’m fine ...No, nothing much to report...And you?” although I am seeing such important changes at the moment. Nevertheless I didn’t want to speak to my parents about my operation, to confide in them. But nor do I want to lie to them. Dilemma. Yesterday afternoon I phoned my mother. I had to speak to her about a family lunch which is taking place in two weeks. And I found the conversation pleasant. In fact I felt in a different position, as if I were her equal somehow and no longer her little girl. I felt adult and I didn’t lie. I didn’t talk about my operation but nor did I pretend there was nothing else in my life. I had the odd feeling of being able to speak freely without walking on eggshells. And talking about trivial things (but won’t there be too much to eat?”) did me good.

What is curious is that I have the feeling that it is my father from whom I am most remote at the moment. I believe my feelings concerning him are even more mixed up.

We’ll see what happens when I see the two of them in two weeks time.

[original in French]

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  1. In a way, by taking the step of going to the surgeon, you have taken control, you don't need their agreement or their backing. As a result perhaps that liberates you as far as they are concerned. You no longer need their approval.

    15 March 2007

  2. Yes Claude, I believe it's exactly that. And what's more, I don't have the feeling of having made a mistake, or feel guilty about anything as far as they are concerned. That's something new for me. And that has a small taste of liberty which I like very much. My burden is lightening one would say.
    15 March 2007


Forethoughts, afterthoughts, any thoughts. Tell me.


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