Monday, 16 November 2009

Hurt feelings

Not true. A different type of hurt undoubtedly, but it certainly can hurt. Researchers in psychology have found that the pain from hurt feelings last far longer than physical pain. They think the ability we have developed as human beings to work in groups and live in communities also encourages us to relive and suffer from social pain.

The power of words is immense. They don't have to be angry words, the words that hurt. They can be entirely innocent but still sear through to pierce your innermost being like nothing else will. Sometimes it may not be words but the absence of words, or even something as simple as just not noticing.

What do you do when someone hurts your feelings without meaning to? Do you say something or do you bottle it up inside? Pretend nothing happened? Perhaps nothing did happen. Is it just a case of being over-sensitive?

As far as I can tell, there is no easy answer. If you do explain that you were hurt you risk either upsetting or annoying the other person. If you don't, the pain comes back again and again. You need to find a middle way of explaining what hurt, and why, without laying any blame, of showing why you feel the way you do.

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  1. It is difficult though I think and know that when being hurt by someone close to us it is important to discuss those feelings. Being honest in this situation is important. On the other hand being hurt by a crude remark by a stranger really shouldn't mean anything because there are no feelings involved.

  2. This is something I have struggled with a long time and am nowhere near the answer... I do bottle it up, I am more afraid of offending the other person than I am myself... sometimes I even feel that I am unable to deal with it directly preferring instead to remove myself from the problem.

  3. @PS, the closer someone is, the easier it is to discuss, and the more of a stranger, the easier it is to dismiss and therefore it's less hurtful. It's in-between where the problem seems to lie.

    @Max, :(? :)

    @Sage, agreed, that's more or less how I feel. I know that if I had inadvertently hurt someone else I'd be very upset to realise, and so I don't want to hurt anyone in return. I think. I'm not entirely clear how I feel.


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